And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Your penis caused this!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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