Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
