I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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