I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
