just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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