Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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