i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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