Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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