Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
