i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
