The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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