sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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