tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
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I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
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Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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