Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
