I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
