can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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