he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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