C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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