Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
