question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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