He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
