Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
