I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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