i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
