She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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