If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
