omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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