During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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