I murdered the dance floor call the cops
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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