Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
