Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
