just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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