Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize