You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
