I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
