perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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