I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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