he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
