I molested 6 butterflies tonight
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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