Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
