just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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