are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
