Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
