You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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