turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
