(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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