i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm like, not good at living.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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