im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
