I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
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