Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My breasts were aching with rage.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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