I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
