Clothes are such an inconvenience.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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