Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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