I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
