Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
