Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
