Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
