What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
