when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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