Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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