quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We need a shit load of segways right now
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
