My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
