I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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