Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
