you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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