I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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