'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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