Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
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she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
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Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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