Kareoke will never be a sober sport
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I need to calm my uterus...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
