SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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