You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
and she was petting her beer can
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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