we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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